Moving Days

I think I have lived most of my life in a bubble.  I have had wonderful family and friends, which I am so grateful for.  I feel so independent sometimes.  I make plans for our lives and dream and think about the next thing around the corner.  Which isn't bad.  I need to dream, I need to plan. I  need to make goals.  

But what if things don't turn out the way I think it will? What if they are more challenging? What will stress bring to the surface?  

I am thinking about all of this in the light of our house selling.  Our deadline is August 31st.  And last Friday Mark was called out with work to go support a forest fire.  No big deal right? Until he calls me and says that the fire is 25,000 acres (Douglas County Complex Fire).  It is so big, so many houses are threatened that the governor is making a appearance.  At this time, one week later it is only 5% contained.  This means that Mark is really uncertain as to when he might be returning home.  He comes home when the fire is completed.  

So everything within me is resisting daily to stress about this.  Especially when he says, "You need to start thinking about how you can move without me."  Now keep in mind, it's not just me, and my house that is moving...it's my kids too. My 5 wonderful kids, ages 8, 7, 5, 2.5 & 10mo.  (I write the ages more for documenting our journey, than for any other reason. It really doesn't matter how old your kids are when you move, it's hard regardless.)  To complicate, my mother recently injurd her wrist.  I realize that I have relied heavily on her for support, MY WHOLE LIFE.  And my father, recently began a new job with a farmer driving truck 6 days a week, 14 hr days.  Yep.  My support system just crumbled on me.  I wonder if I should just sell everything and then I won't have to move any thing. :)

I had this thought in the back of my mind that recently came to l light.  "I am entitled to be emotional about moving out of my house of 11years, where I have had 3 home births, and raised my kids their whole lives. Because my husband is the strong one, and I can be emotional." And so many well meaning people have fed this. Saying things like, "Wow, you've had three home births in your house, that might be hard leaving?"

Now I'm evaluating that. I am resisting that entitlement.  I can do this, I am strong.  This is do able. I have 4 weeks, a trailer, a pick-up to haul things.  In-laws, family and friends who are so gracious to watch kiddos for me when I need help.  I don't need to pamper a pity party.  People have gone through far greater challenges than this.  I will rise to the occasion! 

I choose to see God as my Provider, i will choose not to be anxious.  I choose to see this as an ADVENTURE because I am  NOT INTIMIDATED! Instead, I will be FASCINATED about what God will do!"

I backed in the trailer last night, next to the house.  I did it perfectly, in one try and no adjustments! That was a booster for my self esteem. :)