The Story of Rose

I have shared many times what I went through with Rose our second child and the heart break I went through with the hemangeoma on her nose, but I have never documented it on my blog.  I want her to know this story someday.

We were excited, and a little nervous about having a baby, 18 months after the first one. The ultra sound showed a healthy baby girl.

Adrianna Rose Fouts was born July 24th, 2006.  She was a healthy 8lbs.  She was a girl with a funny set of bright red hair too.  It was bare on the top of her head and long around her ears. She had an early hair cut.

Then at her 2 week check up, the pediatrician brought to my attention the red spot next to her nose.  I commented that it was just where she must have scratched herself by accident.  I soon found out that this was the beginning of a hemangeoma.  A type of tumor where blood vessels rupture over and over again.  It is more common in fair skinned children.  Most people know them as "strawberries".  The doctor seemed concerned that it was next to her eye, and recommended me to OHSU.  I was so ignorant.  I had no idea how fast that tumor was going to grow.  

This was the most challenging time.  People would take a peek into her car-seat carrier when I was the grocery store and be surprised by the strange "thing" on her face.  When new people saw my baby there were no coo's about what a beautiful baby she was.  There was uncomfortable silence, or odd questions.  I didn't mind the questions, it was the silence that bothered me the most.  I knew that they wondered what was wrong with her, but it was too uncormfortable for them to ask. 

By the time she was 9 months old it was huge. OHSU said there was nothing they could do but monitor it, and they gave the statistics of how 50% of them reduce in size or disappear altogether by the time they reach the age of 10. In extreme cases they would try to operate, but with the operation would be great risk because of the location of it.  I had heard one story where a mother pursued surgery, and it produced a good outcome.  However, her condition was much worse than Rose's.

Rose - 9 months

I grieved ALOT.  I grieved for about 8 months. I cried over her while nursing her. It wasn't until I was reminded gently and repeatedly, by my amazing God, that this was a condition that was not life threatening, it was only cosmetic. Through the grieving process it was challenging to hear well-meaning friends and relatives mention their concerns for her self-esteem.  Of course I felt the same, but there was no way that I was going to pressure OHSU into surgery.

Rose - 1 year old

 I begged God to show me how in the world I would be able to raise a daughter to see that beauty is only skin deep.  How would I approach the questions people had, and asked in her presence as she grew to understand that this was not a normal condition?  How would I handle her possible comparison to other children, to her sister?

God never abandoned my questions. He told me he would heal her, but he didn't tell me when.

Rose - nearly 4 years old

 I would have to wait. It wasn't until she was nearly 4 years old that we started noticing the decrease.  So during that waiting time He showed me so much.  He showed me stories of other people who went through tough experiences.  A boy who was born with no bones in his face, and how he went through the multiple surgerys on his face. He did well in school and by the time he was a senior in high school, he was student body president and had a girl friend.  How is that possible? 

It is possible because people admire someone who is a over-comer.  We don't admire beautiful people that are rude, self-centered & arrogant. And we avoid people who play the victim. We seek out people who are real, genuine & show strength after going through tough situations.  Those are the people we admire.  I came to be content with the idea that Rose may always have this bump.  I came to understand that our relationships with people is because we are drawn to a character quality and personality of the person.  Not outward appearances.

I learned that we can't give into self-pity.

I also learned that I can set the view of my child toward her differences with other people.  I chose to not give any credit to her difference.  When people would what was wrong with her, I'd simply say, "Nothing.  She has a bump, that is a type of tumor, but it is harmless and it will eventually go away."  By the time she could speak for herself, when the occasional child or adult who didn't know her would ask about it, she'd reply with the same nonchalance.  "No big deal, it's just my bump," she'd say.  

She is nearly 6 now.  The bump is hardly there, the redness is almost gone.  Her healing is nearly complete, just as God promised.  We don't even notice it.  It is a non issue.  But it was a hard road to travel.