Legos in the Afternoon

At the indoor park this week a mother of 1 child asked me how I did it. Meaning, how I handle having 4 kids, under the age of 6. You know, I'm surprised at how often people say this. As if 1 child wasn't challenging.

People seem to think once you have more than 3, it's some kind of chaos. Maybe it is? : )
I don't know, I think you just have to go with it. I really felt like the first one was the biggest adjustment. And I think it's much harder being pregnant and having 3 little ones running around, than having a new born and 3 children. I feel so much better physically not being pregnant.

So back to the question. When she asked me this I said, "Well, I cried this morning..." Of course I said it with a smile. But really I did cry that morning when Jesse woke up at 6:30am and I had a hard night that night.

Some of my other responses have been, "well, I just started. I've only been doing the 4 child thing for a couple of weeks now."

It's kinda hard to know what to say. It sounds like the people are admiring me for my courage. But I wouldn't call this courage. It just happened that way. Some might call it stupidity...it isn't that either. No, it isn't easy. But there are breaths of fresh air. I don't feel totally overwhelmed all the time. Actually, It's rare that I feel that way. Usually when I'm really tired. I find I really enjoy this thing called parenting when I am focusing on delighting in my children, instead of finding them a inconvience, or irritation, or whatever other negative feeling that comes with selfishness.

And, my house is a mess. But who's isn't. And if it's always clean, what kind of relationship would I have with my kids? There are things that I make a point to take care of every day, like the dishes. I hate having dirty dishes left over from the day before. But sometimes that just happens. I have baskets of laundry needing to be put away...but not usually piles of dirty laundry. The girls help with that.

There are some things that are definatley more challenging having more than 1 child. Grocery shopping is a big one. I am now at the point where I don't go with all the kids, unless absolutely necessary. And of course, Bath times are a big messy ordeal. Thankfully Mark takes care of those. : ) Dinner time can be very busy, hard to even get a chance to eat myself, let alone have any adult conversation. Finding Babysitters is more difficult with 4 kids, and paying for them is much more expensive than 1 child. (obviously). Of course, just finding time in the morning to get myself ready can be challenging. But I am learning things that work for me. Bathing the night before or just locking my bedroom door, so the baby can sleep without the children mauling him and I can grab a quick shower in the morning. Having 4 children also means that I usually take much less time on myself in the morning. Sometimes I even forget to brush my teeth! LOL! And I usually keep a tube of mascara in the car, just because it's easier to apply it when Jesse is buckled. - That backfired this summer when Jesse was playing in the car while we were all outside, he found it and put it all over his eyes! I thought it was hillarious. He didn't like it that I was laughing at him and got mad at me. : )

I remember when my friend Sara B. was pregnant with her 3rd child and I was pregnant Karmin. Our babies were born about a week apart, and I remember sitting holding Karmin and thinking/wondering what her world was like with 3 children. Now she has 5 kiddos. And I still think that the first one was the hardest on me. But maybe that's just me? Some might find the first is the easiest.
Jesse was pretty easy, maybe cuz he was the 3rd, and I'd figured most of it out. I think that it helped that I had 2 girls before him instead of 2 boys. Boys (I have discovered) are completely different creatures when they move out of the baby stage (about 11mos) at least Jesse was and is. His responses and actions toward his new brother is different than the girls. He pokes, squeezes, massages James' head, pulls on his feet. You know...boy stuff. Like he's checking him to see if he'll cry.
Having 4 kids is definitely more work. But then again, Karmin and Rose help out A LOT. They do laundry (loading/transferring/folding). That is a huge help. Rose is my designated kitchen floor sweeper.

Besides they are also my eyes and ears. The girls are always available to tell me what Jesse is up to when he's playing outside. I don't have to be out there watching him the whole time like I did Karmin was 3 and Rose was 19mo. Instead I do dishes, or fix dinner and listen through the window in the kitchen.

Did I mention that I have friends and family too? I really am not alone...I have the support of my parents, Mark's parents and lots of friends. My mother-in-law has been a wealth of information for raising kids. I don't know how many times I've called her telling her I didn't know what to do with a parenting situation.

This summer was hard being pregnant, but so many people were there to help me keep my sanity, even though it felt like I was just "surviving". That time is over and I'm gaining much more energy.

Although having kids kinda burns the selfishness right out of a person. You have to schedule times for yourself. And I'm finding it difficult to find time to spend with Mark. Yeah, that part is hard with a new born. Needing to be the sole provider for this baby, it's hard to feel like you get any quality time together. But that's going to pass here soon. We'll have our kiddos grown and life will have other challenges.